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Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Proposals

A month ago, I spent a few days at the beach with a friend and her children.  One of  them, we'll call her "G", is a gorgeous girl, blond flowing locks, golf ball sized blue eyes, big full leaps and a bright cheery smile with a disposition to match. She is 6 yrs old.  After a few sessions at the beach, something I had not deemed possible occurred. My son was smitten. Head over heels in L-U-V. It is a funny thing to see in a 5 yr old boy. It's that fresh faced, boyish big eyed smile, the excitement palpitating in his heart, the wonder on his face of feeling an emotion he has never felt.

As we were leaving the beach one day, "G" getting into her car, us getting into ours, Finbar states, "Mom, I love 'G'. I want her to marry me. How can I get her to marry me?".  My heart leapt at the thought of this emotional risk he was willing to take. I said a quick Hail Mary that the feeling would be mutual and took a deep breath.  "Well, in order for someone to marry you Finney, they have to WANT to marry you. You can't make them marry you."    "How can I get her to WANT to marry me mom?".  I seized the opportunity to do my future daughter in law and womankind a favor.   "Well, you have to be REALLY nice to her everyday and do nice things for her A LOT."  Finbar took the bait, "I know. I will bring her flowers everyday. She likes flowers, I know she does.  'G!'  'G!!' (across the parking lot to her).  Will you marry me G? I promise I'll bring you flowers everyday"  (giggles from the other car).  "Bye Finney (giggle)".

 In the car pulling out of the parking lot he continues. "Mom, this is too tough. There are sooo many girls to choose from. There's 'G', there's 'E', there's 'K'.  Ooooooh how will I EVER choose a wife? There are so many to choose from."   I thought, wait "E" and "K"?  I thought you didn't even know those girls were ALIVE and now they are in your marriage pool? What an interesting take on dating. Trying to find a wife. If only young men worried like Finbar did!  So I seized another opportunity for some brain washing.  "Finney, someone has to WANT to marry you.  In order for them to WANT to marry you, you have to treat them very nicely, with respect. And do nice things to show you care. And you have to do that  A LOT and for A LONG TIME before they will want to marry you."  "OK mom. Can we talk about something else?"  I lost him.

2 weeks later
Finbar: Mom, when you get old will you become a grandmother?
Me:  That depends on if you have kids.
F:  So if my wife has children then you will be their grandmother?
M: Yes.
F: So you will be the grandmother of my wife's kids?
M: Yes.
F: Then who will marry me???...  I know, I want "G" to marry me. How can I get her to marry me NOW?
M: Well, you cant get married now, you have to wait until you are older.
F:  Well, I know, I can be really nice to her and play really nice with her. That's a good start, dontcha think?  M:  Yes.
F: OK.

M: brainwashing accomplished :)

A few days later
F:  (to his brother) Declan, I'm going to marry "G". But don't worry you can marry "K" or "E"or somebody else.
D: Finney, I'm going to marry "E"!

A few days later
M: So how was school today Finney?
F: (on way home from school) Mom, I have to tell you something VERY important.
M: (thinking I am going to get a clue as to what he actually does in school)  What is it?
F: Mom, I LOVE "K".  I love her! Can we have a play date with "K" today?
M: (absofreakinlutely, my boys is in LUV :) :) :)

A week later, after a big playdate at the park
 F: Guess WHAT mom?  "A" and I played tag. "A" and I are friends now. Isn't that great?...Oooh, but now I don't know who to marry...I mean I think I want "A" to be my wife...but, "G" is still my favorite wife I guess....

A couple of years ago, I read a dismal statistic from one of the only studies that has tracked people with Autism and Aspergers into adulthood. Something like 4% got married.  I was gutted at the time. But I know Finbar will not be a statistic. And even if he doesn't get married, he will have tried really hard I think to achieve it and that is half the fun :)


Rebecca Royce said...

Hi Jen! Great post today. I love it and I can just imagine his bright face lighting up as he said he was going to give her flowers. Just as an FYI, we have a couple in town who are married. He has autism. They have 3 beautiful children together. I'm surprised to hear its such a low number. Any info on man versus women? In other words, fewer women with autism get married or fewer men?

ralphgrimaldi said...

The marriage statistic sounds low. Maybe that is an out of date stat. Anyway Finny will be in that number. Those bright blue eyes and that smile are enough to wow any girl.

Sonia said...

So sweet!

alpapp said...

Jen, Dont forget to tell him the other side: "The girl needs to do really nice things for you Fin...A lot of nice things... In fact it should always be a case of who is going to out nice thing the other person...everyday!" Teach him that girls have to play nice too or your beatufully trained boy will end up with a girl who needs and never gives. Something you will resent as a mother in law. (Just standing up for the Guys) Al, Jr.

Grimace said...

When Finny and Decky make you a Grandmaw...I will laugh at you. But after that i will tell your grandkids about the Tequila and U2...and the sneaking out of my bathrooom window...and the party while the rest of us were in FL...and the "fish tail," and....

(P.S. "Grimace" is to distinguish me from Dad.)

P.P.S. I think you are doing a great job with this blog (and with Finny and Decky for that matter)

finbarsmom said...

Missed this comment bro. Did I ever really thank you for not blowing my cover that fateful night when I went to shanahans? TANKS. And when I become a Grandma, I too shall laugh AND have a shot of tequeeeela! And Bono will probably be senile, but I will still have a crush on him.